Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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