You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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