Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
