i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
