Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
