OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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