You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
