oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
