when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
