I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you