What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
