we have officially lost it.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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