What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Less talking, more tequila
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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