I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
