Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
