I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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