I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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