i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
