I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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