I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
