I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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