We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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