Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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