Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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