a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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