Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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