Plan B is the new Plan A
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
