I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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