so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Floor bacon is actually really good
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
