I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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