She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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