Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
