did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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