The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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