MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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