i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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