all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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