I could make wine with my vomit
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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