Where is the hickey?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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