Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
