I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have aggressive nipples.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude. I can hear the air.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
