My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
