sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
