You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
