Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
