My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
