I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
