I'm really into asian looking animals
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
