His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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