Your mouth is God's brothel.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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