But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
