Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
