I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
