his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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