Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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