also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
