Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
