I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
