Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
