Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
