Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize