if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
