I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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