I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
