She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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