I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
