u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
