She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
